Have you really considered???

There are many reasons that people give for divorce ...and one of the most popular is irreconcilable differences, which we will abbreviate to represent 'Ira'.  We will abbreviate budget, though it is not the only thing representing the character 'Bud'.

Ira and Bud are presently married, though considering divorce. They are both visited by an angel ...in the same dream.

Angel: I have come to pass judgment on you both.

Ira: We have already come to our judgment ...we are going to get a divorce.

Angel: When you were married, did you not both say, "Until death do us part"?

Bud: Yes, that is how we felt at that time ...romance often leads people to recite such poetic vows.

Ira: You said, until death ...does that mean we are going to die?

Angel: You both have been killing what you once had ...but, you both have not only been bringing death to yourselves.

Bud: What do you mean?

Ira: Yes, what do you mean ...and does this mean death to us?

Angel: It seems now, that this is the most you both have been joined for quite some time ...this time not by love, but by fear.

Ira: Of course, we are afraid ...who wouldn't fear death.

Angel:  You both joined together in love, yet now you say love is no longer there.  You claim to no longer love each other. You've taken it on yourselves to make that judgment.  

Bud: That's about it.

Angel: You've both decided to stop loving each other, but you know Jesus never stops loving either of you.  That creates a conflict.  

Ira: We know lots about conflict.

Angel: Do you?  And how are you planning to resolve that conflict?  By divorcing?

Ira: That seems like the only way.

Angel: I've witnessed the political contests of your planet, the thirst for power, and the lengths to which some people will go ...but, never has there been so much time or effort put forth to damage another, as during a campaign to seek a divorce.

Ira: So, you do understand?

Angel: I understand that there is no person on earth that you have more conflict with than your husband.  It also seems that there is no person that you dislike more than your husband.

Ira: So, you are aware of my conflict?

Angel: I also am aware of another intense conflict ...one that will be resolved by the existence of Heaven and Hell.  There is a necessity for separation ...and Heaven is no place for conflict. Would either of you wish the other to be sent to Hell in the afterlife?

Both Bud &Ira speak up quickly: No, of course not ...absolutely not!!

Angel: Well, your divorcing one another will not affect your going to Heaven. But, it does greatly affect something else. If you both don't feel God intended for you to be married to one another, then do you feel you made the choice entirely on your own?  And if so, you must then feel you are entitled to make the choice to end it entirely on your own.

Ira: Well, it's not as simple as that.

Angel:  Of course not ...bitter feelings are never simple, only love is.  And as you both know Jesus loves you, you must also know that your children love each of you also.  But, you are choosing to thrust your bitterness into their lives too.

Bud: I know ...that part tears me apart.

Ira: It tears me apart too.

Angel: Yet, they were not the cause of you both drifting apart, though they often blame themselves with what they don't understand. Jesus said that whatever you do for the least ...you do for Him.  I would think you could at least be civil to one another for the sake of your own children.  Or if you think the 'least' of your spouse ...then perhaps the sacrifice of being civil to one another would be a token of your gratefulness for what He has done for you, and a most tremendous act of love you can show your children.

Bud: We have tried, but it's not that simple.

Angel: How can you find it so intolerable to get along with each other, who claimed at one time to love one another?  Would you find it a bigger challenge for you to love one another than it would be for God to love either of you?

Ira: Well, no ...

Angel: Jesus also said that divorce was because of the hardness of hearts, yet He penetrates those hard hearts of yours to love you.


Bud: Yes, I say I have Him in my heart ...but, I never looked at it as keeping Him prisoner there. I guess, I've failed to allow His love to rule in my life and it's time to tear down those prison walls.  I am sorry, Ira ...do you think we can repair our relationship?

Ira: No, I do not!

Angel: You are correct ...you can't!  You have thoroughly demonstrated that.  But, if you just choose to love one another the way God loves you ...you will find it abundantly possible.

Ira: I guess it would be a dumb thing to argue that point. We've fallen apart because we've incorporated the fallen state and mindset of a fallen angel, not the wisdom you've been trying to get us to understand.  I am sorry too, and whether I feel I'm ready or not ...I want to step in the direction of allowing us to heal.

Angel: Yes, the wounds are deep ...but the Great Physician has been waiting for you both.
                
               ****************************  

The difficulty comes when physical abuse is present in the home.  I worked for 18 years in a facility labeled a Mental Institution.  I worked on a children's unit, and many of them were from troublesome homes ...where the child was coping remarkably well, considering what they continued to go through.

One young boy ---quiet and polite--- was part of  discussion on whether he should go home on weekends.  After the meeting, I met with him privately and asked him about the beatings he received from his alcoholic dad.  He was passionate about his desire to go home on the weekends.  He informed me that he could make it work ...that he usually could tell when his dad was about to get violent.  He felt he could hide from him, stay out of his way, and avoid him during those times.  

That conversation has had a lasting effect upon me, and how I view the home as affecting the child.  That young boy loved his dad, and showed more genuine love than many of us professed mature adults do.  As I've said many times, there are moments when drastic measures must be taken for the safety of members of the family ...but sometimes we don't look hard enough for solutions to problems that could be worked out.

If a child values both parents, then perhaps we would do best to also consider that worth.  If a child does not value both parents, I would sadly conclude that in most cases that is because the child has been used as a pawn in the bitter battle that parents often wage against each other.

Selah.



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